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Change Your Life By Changing Your Narrative With These Steps…

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Do you want to change your life? The key is to rewrite the story you tell yourself.

Often, we tell ourselves we’re good at some things and not others. That becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You say, “I’m not good with money,” and sure enough, financial freedom eludes you.

Much of our confidence comes in the way we speak to ourselves. Conversely, a lack of confidence comes from our internal self-talk.

Here are a few steps to changing your narrative, many of which may surprise you.

1. Change Your Narrative With a Growth Mindset

Carol Dweck, the foremost researcher on the subject, compares growth and fixed mindsets. She says that a growth mindset is one in which we see failures as opportunities to grow and learn.

A fixed mindset, on the other hand, believes that there is nothing you can do to improve. It says people can’t change, you’re stuck with your flaws, and failure is a sign of weakness.

Fixed mindset people will say, “that’s just the way I am,” instead of stretching outside their comfort zones to learn and grow.

Changing your narrative means embracing the possibility that you can learn new things. You are not limited by what you’ve already done, and you can withstand the discomfort it takes to discover something new.

2. Understand the Origin of Your Internal Narrative

Sometimes, a limiting personal narrative stems from a difficult childhood. If you felt your parents weren’t there for you, you went into survival mode.

Instead of exploring your environment with curiosity and playfulness, you became hypervigilant.

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You craved certainty and clear answers to keep yourself safe. You feared failure as a sign of unworthiness. You told yourself making mistakes meant you were stupid, so you avoided taking risks.

That created a limiting internal narrative that kept you small and prevented you from reaching for more.

Often, the critical voice inside your head is an extension of authority figures from your past. If you were told you couldn’t do certain things or witnessed your parents being overly fearful, you might take on an anxious internal narrative.

Changing your narrative means challenging that voice and creating a new one of your own. You do this by unveiling evidence to support your new story.

Make a list of accomplishments to prove you are capable of doing hard things. Make another list of risks you took that paid off. You can even remember failures that moved you forward and what you learned from them.

3. Create a Cohesive Story of Your Past

Changing your narrative requires making sense of your past. It means telling the truth about what happened and refusing to make excuses for parents or caregivers who fell short of meeting your needs.

It’s not about blaming your parents. You may have heard that you have to understand or forgive them because they did the best they could. But that’s beside the point.

When you tell yourself a story about your childhood that is untrue, you prevent healing and make changing your narrative more difficult.

You can even create disease in your body when you refuse to acknowledge your authentic emotions. That means it’s imperative that you stop sugarcoating your past.

It’s common for adult children with traumatic childhoods to paint an inaccurate picture of a happy family to protect themselves from the painful truth. You hold onto a view of your parents as loving and protective even when they rarely demonstrated love or protection.

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Perhaps, they have shown quite the opposite with rejection, abandonment, and putting you in frightening situations. You must be willing to speak the truth about your past to create a brighter future.

4. Change Your Expectations

In research studies, expectations impact how we react to a treatment. This is called the placebo effect and proves the power of our minds to control our outcomes.

If you expect to feel better after taking a certain medication, chances are you will. If you expect not to feel better, chances are you won’t.

The same principle applies to your internal narrative’s influence on your outcomes. You get what you expect rather than what you deserve. If you begin to expand your possibilities and expect more out of life, you will get it.

This is not the same as positive self-talk. In fact, research shows that positive self-talk can have negative effects if you don’t truly believe what you’re saying.

Changing your narrative does not mean lying to yourself. It means questioning whether what you’re telling yourself is true.

Just because something happened in the past, for example, does not mean it will happen the same way in the future.

5. Simon Says Add the Word “Yet”

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