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I Hate My Wife – Why a Husband Would Resent His Spouse…

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It’s hard to imagine while standing at the altar—watching your beautiful bride walk down the aisle—that one day, instead of a queen, there’ll be a witch in her place. What can possibly happen that turns your queen into a witch? Love into resentment? And makes you to say “I hate my wife?”

Resenting and hating your wife doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process spanning months and years.

If you are the “hated” spouse, what might you notice to let you know that something is amiss? Well, you might notice your spouse being less talkative, less playful, less affectionate, etc. Something just won’t feel right. Those ill at ease feelings can be subtle signs of resentment weaving its way through the fabric of your marriage.

There are a host of reasons why this can happen. In this article, I will enumerate a few of the common behaviors that can cause you to hate your wife and cause hatred to sprout in a relationship.

1. Contributing More Than Your Wife

I currently have a client who claims to hate his wife. “Mike” believes she is lazy—that she doesn’t lift a finger to help with the household or their two young children. No matter how many times he asks her to help out, she refuses, saying, “I’m busy and besides, it’s not that bad!” He started to hate his wife, and the resentment he feels is so deep that he is thinking of divorcing her.

In relationships, it’s important to have balance. Both partners need to talk to each other, discuss how to manage the house, the bills, the children, etc., preferably before the marriage takes place so that there aren’t any surprises. All the responsibility cannot fall on one partner. In the case above, Mike bears the burden of keeping his home clean and organized. And because it feels like too much after a long day at work, he lets it go. Then, the house looks even worse, and his resentment grows stronger.

Talk to your wife. Address the problem. There could be other reasons for the “laziness.”

For example, in the article What Should You Do if Your Wife Lazy, Sylvia Smith states,

“There is always a reason why someone is not being productive. Your wife may be going through something that she is not willing to talk about. Initiate the conversation and openly discuss the matter. Tell her what you think about her attitude and ask her about her possible problems.”

2. Being Treated Like a Child

I’ve heard multiple women say, “Seriously, it’s like I have three kids!” The third one to whom they are referring is their husband. Imagine being thought of as the third child.

In the article, Why Treating Your Partner Like a Child Can Destroy Your Relationship, Sheri Stritof said,

“Putting yourself in the role of ‘parent’ and your partner in the role of ‘child’ is demeaning and can actually be counterproductive. Your partner might come to resent you for taking on a controlling role in your relationship. This can cause serious damage to your marriage.”

I’ve talked to many spouses who feel emasculated because their wives treat them like children—talk to them like they’re incapable and inadequate. This does not create warm and fuzzy feelings in any man. In fact, it creates the opposite.

Ladies, the man to whom you are married may have faults, but he is still a man. There are ways to discuss things without being condescending or treating your spouse like a 5-year-old. Continuing in that manner will only cause your husband’s behavior to worsen and a huge chasm to develop in the marriage.

3. Their Spouses Are Overspenders

Another critical issue that causes a husband to hate his wife is when he tries to save money for a rainy day, and his wife spends it faster than he can bring home the paycheck. Many relationships have broken up over money.

Imagine saving money to hire a painter to repair wood damage or to purchase a new work computer, only to find out that the money has already been spent. What husband wouldn’t feel resentful?

So, what can you do? Well, according to Casey Slide,

“If you were able to get your spouse to see the error of his or her ways, that was at least half of the battle. Now, you need to help control the spending. One way to do this is by allowing the both of you to only spend a certain amount of money each pay period. I recommend using the envelope budgeting system because it utilizes cash to hold you accountable to staying on budget. Once you have spent your cash, you are out of money.”

Money issues and their management are an imperative topic for discussion. Both partners need to be on the same page here.

4. Sex! What Sex?

When first dating, women may start out being sexy and amorous. She fills her man’s needs and acts like she enjoys it, but somewhere along the way—after 2 children, a full workload, and Pilates—there is no energy left for sex.

According to the article Sexual Rejection’s Effect On A Marriage,

“I know you don’t want your spouse to feel ‘unloved and unwanted,’ but I’m here to tell you that if you are consistently rejecting him/her for sex, those are things your spouse almost certainly feels. And, unfortunately, that is how sexual refusal and sexual rejection affect a marriage. It’s very bad and will most likely create distance and resentment over time.”

Lack of sex causes a husband to hate his wife, especially for men with a normal sexual appetite. After all, they were used to having sex regularly, and now they feel they have to beg for it—and don’t even get it.

Sex is part of what creates intimacy in a marriage. If all the energy is spent elsewhere, it will leave the door open for an affair. For men, sex is a way to emotionally connect with their partners. It’s their way of creating a loving bond. If his wife refuses him sex, he feels rejected—like he’s not man enough. He may lose confidence in his abilities and could leave an opening for a husband to hate his wife.

5. Dirty Fighters

Couples argue. It’s part of all relationships. After all, you’re dealing with two separate entities with different backgrounds and perspectives. But there’s a way to fight that can end in resolution instead of hurt feelings.

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